your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
