i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
