so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize