Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
