All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
