What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
