what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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