I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
