We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
