erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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