so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
