Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
