i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
