From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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