Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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