If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
