Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
