Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
that is very illegal...i love you.
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