U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
