PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
