i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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