My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
