she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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