he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
please don't ironically join a cult
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