why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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