i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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