Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
