Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
