OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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