My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
