Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
