I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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