you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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