i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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