i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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