I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
