it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
