Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
