Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
