I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
