i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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