Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
