Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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