Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
