I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
