i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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