the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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