everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
