i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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