I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
