i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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