I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
