he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
