They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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