Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
