We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
