it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
