your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize