im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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