before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
