Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
