Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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