I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
