I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
