Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
