worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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