i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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