Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I could fuck to npr.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
