i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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