I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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