I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
