Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
